Tuesday, December 9, 2008

December 3rd to 7th, 2008: My second stay in the hospital was much easier than the first round of chemo, but still, it wasn’t easy. The pattern this time was that for the first three days I had a fine appetite which then abruptly flipped into nausea. For my last two days in the hospital, I ate nothing. Believe me, this was the best response. In spite of all the anti-nausea medication I received via my IV line, it didn’t overcome my aversion to food. By the forth day, food aromas were close to intolerable. My ability to concentrate conformed to the food curve; high cognitive ability for the first three days followed by no thought, no mind, no plans. All I could do was I was be in bed, and fortunately, that’s all I had to do as the chemo seeped into my body. I was aware of people reading my chemo invocation and helping my body work with the medicine. What you do really helps, and I thank you for all your efforts.

Toward the end of my stay, there was a bit of confusion. I’d be discharged on Monday morning. No, Sunday early afternoon. Finally, it was Sunday evening when Gaetano came to pick me up to take me home. Harder than navigating the shifting times for leaving the hospital was the disappointment and resentment I felt at leaving with such a lot of nausea. Finally, I understood. I had wanted my second course of chemo to be relatively painless. But it was not so for me. I had to remind myself that I am getting very powerful drugs. I am having totally appropriate physical and psychological reactions and I can endure a couple of uncomfortable days. Plus, it was good to be home.

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