Tuesday, November 4, 2008

November 3rd, 2008: Tomorrow I go to the hospital to have my chest port installed. There’s a chance that a bed will be available so that I can stay for five days and have my first chemo session. But, given that the 11th floor is full with a waiting list and the beds on the 14th floor are also full, it may be a few days before I begin my treatments. If I come home tomorrow after the port install, I’ll let you know on this very site.

One of my deep beliefs is that chemo will be effective for me. I have been visualizing it coming into my body from the drip line, entering my bloodstream and then dispersing through all my fluid systems into the cells of my physical self. Since chemo is such a drastic variance from the care I take to avoid toxins, I want to honor that shift of habit. I welcome the chemo and support its task. And I don’t want to do this alone. I’ve drafted a prayer that I’ll recite during the time of my treatments. I ask the readers of this blog to join me in reciting this invocation while I am in treatment. Your chorus of voices will multiply this welcome. You can recite it by reading to yourself or speak it out loud. When you read it, imagine me receiving the incoming chemo. The resonance you create will make a difference. I feel that resonance already in your phone calls and email messages telling me of the love and care you are sending. You can do this any time of day or night over the next few days.
So, all together now:

I welcome two elixirs into my body.
They swim into my body’s river systems.
They insinuate through cell walls.
They’ve been chosen for their willingness to kill.
They are poisons with a longer purpose.
My body will hold their heat.
They will burn my cancer into the bone.
My body understands this.
Each atom, cell and organ knows its destiny.
The mix of health and contagion will end.
Welcome Ifosfamide
Welcome Doxorubicin
Welcome to my body.
Find your way through me.
You have been invited.
Finally, you are here.

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