October 31, 2009:

During his visit on Thursday, my friend Geol told me about a rigorous therapy session where his creative self, referred to as The Dancer, reappeared actively in his psyche. Years ago, Geol was a very fine dancer, but time had passed and Geol ventured into arts administration. His creative self went and sat on the bench.

As we talked, I realized that I had lived through similar patterns. In the mid- 70's I took several months to draft and re-write a short novel--Flying Carpets--that I submitted over the transom to Knopf Inc. It was not published, but I experienced completing a written effort.

In the late 80's I completed a longer novel about the AIDS epidemic. This time, an agent shopped my book to publishers. However, I'd joined a writing group and had started deep re-writes. The agent and I agreed that we could not have two versions in existence: one copy in my computer on the West Coast and another copy moving around in NYC. Within a year, I had strayed from my updates and My Writer within me was back on the bench for almost 20 years.

Now My Writer has dusted himself off and is moving around. It should be noted that I've written a lot during the interim. Every work day. At work. My daily effort isn't fiction, but it is steady, clear communication. Sitting here at Maitri tonight, I realize that My Writer moved from fiction back to corporate-based technical writing and then into the autobiographical blog. After friends started to give good feedback about the blog, My Writer went to the keyboard and crafted the script for my Memorial Service CD. Confidence has been gathering and building without me knowing it.

Now, more challenging efforts are coming my way via the psyche express. The idea for A Guide to Our Dying presented itself last Saturday, and already substantial progress has been made. I have always cherished My Writer. I have often abandoned My Writer. There is such a close rapport between My Writer and my self esteem, my love for myself, my belief in myself....Well, I could go on but I think you get my drift. Suffice it to say that I am very grateful My Writer has returned. I like him, and I love him. He has always delighted me with his wit and search for meaning. Also, I have often projected my expectations for myself onto him. And when I'm disappointed, I blame him. Not very nice behavior on my part, so it's a good thing that he's tenacious and has found ways to express his talents. Welcome back, my creative self.