May 5th, 2009: The blog drought has ended. I'm glad to reconnect to an enthusiasm for putting out the word about my health. That energy to communicate went away for much of the past few weeks due, I suspect, to physical discomfort that made it really difficult to sit down and write. I did a bit of juggling with my fentanyl patches, upping the amount from 100 to 150 mgs a couple of weeks ago. Then, this past weekend, I upped the dosage again to 200 mgs. The patches deliver an opiate transdermally and each patch lasts for three days. They are definitely an ally against physical pain. However, I am still getting used to this high dose. I’ve never taken so much before. At the end of 2008, I was up to 150 mgs, then I dropped back to 100 mgs. Now, at 200 mgs, I get tired in the afternoon and my nap has a new urgency that I didn’t have previously. However, the pain is largely gone which makes my awake time more pleasant.
So much to write about that’s happened in the past few weeks. I had a visit from Lorenzo in Seattle which was wonderful and led me to a deeper sense of our connection while also giving me much to contemplate about partnering. I went to a terrific workshop about dissolving stuck energy. And then there were the concerts: the Philharmonia Baroque’s production of Athalia and the final ballet in the series that Ann and I attend. In addition, work has kicked in with an interesting project that pulls forth my interest and creativity every day. I am so grateful for that: being able to go to work and solve interesting problems is a privilege and a joy.
Over the next days, I’ll give more in-depth though to the events and feelings that are guiding me these days. Short summary, I feel like I’m in a quiet zone where my health is relatively stable although I am by no means cured or over the cancer. I wish I were, but I’m not. So, more blogging about all of that.