January 6th, 2009: I go back into the hospital tomorrow with an active schedule starting with scans—PT images of my chest and abdomen as well as an MRI of my pelvis—followed by a day of hydration, and then, three days of infusions from my two chemo drugs Iforsfamide and Doxorubicin. This will be the third round of chemo for me, and the treatments have made a profound difference by halting the growth of the tumors and shrinking them. From the scans, we’ll know the exact amount of tumor retraction.
I don’t think I could successfully hold this amount of medically prescribed poison if you readers of this blog were not helping my body with your support and good wishes. As I said in yesterday’s blog entry, this group effort has opened me to feeling cared for and loved in ways that I have never felt before. The chemo infusions will start on Thursday. If you could please read these lines that welcome the drugs, it would substantially improve my hospital visit. When you recite this text, it gives my body confidence that it can contain and manage this treatment. I’ve made a few changes to the invocation since this is no longer the first occurrence. Thank you for every time you say these lines and every time you see me having another successful round of chemotherapy.
The elixirs are here, ready to enter my body
My body knows them now.
This is their third passage through my fluids and cells.
These drugs have proven their willingness to kill.
Their poisons have burned deep.
My pelvic tumor has retreated; my hair has fallen out.
Yet, my body holds this heat.
My body maintains itself during the onslaught.
Welcome to my body.
Again, find your way through me.
You poison me into wellness.
Thank you for your ruthlessness and strength.
As with other times when I’m in the hospital, I won’t be posting any entries to the blog until I return home. Hopefully, that will happen next Sunday, Jan. 11th in the evening. Once I’m home, it may take a day or two before I’m oriented enough to type. That first day home can be fraught with nausea. Again, thank you in advance for all your good wishes and care.